The Hardest Speech of My Life…

letter

If you click on that link above you will find a letter I wrote to my grandmother many years ago. It is not a typical letter, it was something I wrote and put in a card… a snapshot of a day in her life if you will.

Over the years  I wrote her many cards and letters, our bond was a special one…she raised me and so I got to have a mother and grandmother relationship with her.

I am going to add more to this post later because there is so much I want to share and say about her but for right now I will just share this one story about the day I had to say goodbye forever.

My grandmother, my heart, passed away on 12/6/16 and I tried to write the words to say that expressed my love and gratitude for her… I wanted to speak at her funeral because I know she would like that and deserved that.

No matter how I tried I couldn’t find the words, nothing was good enough…

Then on the night of her “showing” my cousin the pastor who was giving service the next day asked if any of us would like to speak…I wanted to say yes but hadn’t been able to find the words yet and then my aunt stepped forward and said my gramma gave her a letter I had written her that she wanted to be read at her funeral. I was speechless…and grateful…and touched…and missed her so much more at that moment.

My aunt gave the letter to me and said while they were going through files when my grandfather passed 3 years earlier she found this and told my aunt she wanted it read at her own funeral.

I read it not having any idea what it said because I had sent her so many over the years..but when I read it I understood why…and here I couldn’t find the words because I had already written them so many years before.

That letter described her as I remembered her when I lived with her, truly a snapshot of her everyday life…I think she knew I would want to say something and that letter in particular was her favorite because it was so true … it was perfect.

I was shaking horribly…but I read it through to the end…and I am glad that I did because a part of me knows she heard me.

I am going to write something soon about her life so you might know a little about what a wonderful woman she was, stay tuned ❤

I rcvd a lot of messages from people who knew her and didnt know her all offering heartfelt condolences and I appreciated that so much, thank you everyone. For those who wanted to be there but couldnt I attached the funeral notice for you in the link below.

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