I couldn’t kill it and I feel horrible…

A lot of you are going to think this little story sounds ridiculous and it probably is but when I think about it I just feel awful.

Friday night after work I went to grab dinner at a place down the street. When I came back to my car after dinner approaching the front end of my car I saw a beautiful large yellow monarch butterfly on my bumper…the closer I got though the sadder I became because it looked as though it was dead and caught in my headlight…

Then the most awful thing happened, it wiggled. Omg it was still alive and trapped! I put my takeout on the hood and dropped my purse and I gently slid it’s trapped wing out and placed it on the hood of my car.

It tried to fly away, it flapped its one wing and gave a little hop but could not take flight, its other wing was crinkled…

I very gently tried to smooth out its wing hoping that would help somehow… I placed it on the ground and it still could not fly it just walked around and it broke my heart.

I know the humane thing would have been to kill it so it would not suffer and I stood there for a short while considering it as I fought back tears from the anguish I was feeling over the tiny life of this beautiful little butterfly.

How strange that such a thing can happen… perhaps it would not bother most people… I am sure a lot of people would have just drove off leaving it there on the bumper but when I saw it trapped and alive I couldn’t do it… and I still feel guilty driving away ;leaving it there wobbling on the ground… why does that bother me so?

I always thought I would be the person that would be able to take a life if it meant ending misery … for example the scenario has played in my mind often of what I would do if I saw a half dead animal on the side of the road suffering in pain as its life was ebbing away… I always thought I would be able to give it the last blow to make the suffering end but now after failing the test with nothing but an insect I do not think I could do that… what does that say about me?

Does the worth of a life and suffering of a creature mean less just because it is not a human one? I do not think so…and that is why something like this that may seem silly to you actually means something to me.

There is nothing I can do about it now but I can only hope if it happens again I will be able to do the right thing.




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