Ageing…Vanity…Mortality…Oh MY!

I got my first wrinkles at 38… Fuck me

The morning of my 38th birthday I woke up looked in the mirror and saw it… my first wrinkle on my face… I had a laugh line… happy birthday to me.

What the fuck kind of timing is that? You can’t tell me that Mother Nature is not real and that she doesn’t have a twisted sense of humor… she is and she does.
That is some fucked up shit that you never forget, to wake up on your damned birthday and find a crack in your face!

The good news is that I now have a matching set but I can’t tell you when the second one appeared exactly… all I know is that now at least there is balance to my face with 2 laugh line cracks on each side of my aging face…ugh

I will be 39 in 3 months and let me tell you, I am not looking forward to what that bitch plans on giving me this year… maybe it will be something fun like fucking liver spots…

Oh but that isn’t all folks. My hair has thinned and has started breaking off  which has a lot to do with my diet and PCOS as well as with ageing. So after having grown it out nice and long the last year and a half I now have to chop it off in hopes that it will grow back fast. I have started to take Biotin which is supposed to help, wish me luck!

I also have begun to see the skin under my eyes thin and tiny little lines are there too.. yes, more wrinkles…WTF! Yes, I am putting myself under a microscope every time I look in the mirror, I cant help it…

I understand now why my mom, aunt and grandmother always talked about how they wish they could get plastic surgery… they always talked and still talk about getting face lifts and I always told them that was ridiculous. I always told them that wrinkles was a part of life and everyone gets them…and now I understand why they were so bothered…every time I look in the mirror I see my youth escaping me, I see my mortality and so did they…

I get so much now that I am older and experiencing so many changes. So it is not that I am vain, it is that I am sad to see my youth that I wasted has begun to leave me and that the physical beauty we are afforded with our youths is going along with it. It is especially hard for me because growing up, and well basically my whole life until now I never thought I was fact I always felt ugly.

I say I wasted my youth because I never saw myself the way I do now, I never appreciated what I had and I never enjoyed it. It is funny that now, finally, after 38 years I finally get into shape and start a fresh new slate in life that I finally see myself differently, I finally feel beautiful and confident only to have it start to fade away in the mirror.

So for those of view who judge me and make snide comments when I post my “selfies” you can just shove it because I am not doing it for attention, I am doing it because for once in my life I am proud of how I look and I worked really hard to get here.

I am finally after 38 years happy to get dressed in the morning and I know that these next couple of years are all I am going to have to record these last moments before I have aged more and before more wrinkles take over my entire face and body…

So before you judge me or anyone else try and not judge them because you have no idea why people do the things they do and maybe people are doing it for themselves and not for anyone else.

So there are a lot of things I am going through with my hormonal/emotional changes and my physical changes and also with the changes I have made in my lifestyle this past year. So if you are walking into the current chapter in my book of life you have no idea what it took for me to get here so try not to judge until you have stuck around for at least one full chapter.

As always thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read my inner most ramblings,

My love to you all ❤



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