So 40 has passed and 41 is creeping up on me very quickly… the laugh lines in my face are getting more visible and the twinkle of youth is slowly leaving my eyes… some days looking in the mirror is harder than others especially when you are single and no longer among the young and beautiful…
Some days are harder than others, I don’t always feel “unattractive and lonely” but there are a couple days every month when I do think that I will be single forever and when I do feel like no one is ever going to want to be with me now that 40 is showing on my face and body…these thoughts and seemingly always being left in the friend zone while they continue to online shop swiping right for the younger models can take its toll on your confidence lol
Thankfully those days are few and far between and the rest of the time I am feeling pretty good about myself and where I am and where I am going in life… Sometimes though I need to do something to “celebrate” myself to remind myself of just how much I do love myself and my life.
I do things like take trips to far away places by myself going on adventures and making memories that I can carry with me that bring me back to reality when I am feeling down to remind me that my life is pretty fucking awesome and that this moment of sadness will pass by and tomorrow I will be planning my net adventure.
Two years ago when I was feeling down about myself I did a little photo shoot with just me and my best friend and we had so much fun doing it and it helped me see myself in a different way… that was only 2 years ago and I feel like I already look and feel so different about myself… so we decided to do it again…since I am in a different place in my mindset.
Last time it was because I really felt down about myself and felt like the most unattractive and undesired woman alive… this time it was to capture me at 40… this is how I look today but I am still evolving and changing and growing as a person and though my face and body may age I still feel the same inside… full of life and love and happiness…
I plan to do these little photo shoots every year or so just to mark the changes of time and record how life has changed me on the outside and the inside… because ten years ago… hell, even 20 years ago I did not quite understand things that I am experiencing now… that at the age of 40 life is beginning to show its wear and tear on my face and body but inside where no one can see I still feel the way I did 20 years ago…
I still feel young and joyful and full of love and hope inside… sure I have learned a lot and I do not have the energy that I used to have and am beginning to fear and see how that is going to change my life as I continue to age but the fact is that I get to age!
I am lucky enough to get to keep looking forward to more time in this body on this earth and as fast as the first 40 years went I know just how precious the next and last 40 will be so I plan to love every damn minute of it!
I have had an AMAZING life so far! I have done so many wonderful things and made so many fantastical friends along the way and I am still having and planning adventures and think that now at 40 my confidence level is at an all time high and there are no limits to what I can do and I know that… it really changes the game… to know that if you want it bad enough nothing can stand in your way, as long as you put in the work to get there.
I am smashing goals and creating the future for myself that I know I deserve and I know that if somewhere along the way I do not find a special someone that loves all of this about me that wants to share this adventure called life with me then I will be just fine doing it alone.
So this is me, feeling alive and full of love and fabulous at 40!