The older I get the more I see the evidence of this around me and the more I realize why I am single.
I believe people are in 4 categories in life when it comes to Love and relationships.
- Happily in a loving relationship
- Unhappily in a relationship
- Single and afraid to try again
- Single but hoping for to find the right love for them
I think most people strive for #1 but a lot of people end up in #2 until they finally move into categories 3 then 4… I think it is a progression a lot of people go through in life. I have moved from #1 all the way down to #4 and am hoping to find myself back in the #1 slot soon without repeating the cycle.
People in category #1 are very lucky. It is either your first relationship and you are still figuring it all out or this is your last relationship after having been through the cycle however many times it took you until you finally found the love the was right for each of you.
People in category #2 are either afraid to move on because they fear being alone or they just don’t know how to leave, so they stay. Whatever the case these people need to learn to love themselves enough to do what is right for them and for their partner, if they are unhappy chances are their partner is too and so leaving will give them both the chance to start over and find the right love for each of them.
Category 3, I was just there and I know it well… it is scary getting back out there, putting your heart on the line. Love as euphoric as it can make you feel can also rip your heart out of you when gone wrong and the older we get the more we shy away from feeling that hurt again…. But is the alternative really better? That lonely feeling, that empty feeling… walking around knowing the piece to your puzzle is out there waiting for you? I weighed those many times… feeling the hurt again and again until the one came along who wouldn’t rip out my heart or just stay alone and learn to live without sharing my love…
I have too much love to share though so I finally decided that if he is out there I will be open to the possibility of loving again.
Then there are the people in this category who do not think they deserve to be loved because they do not love themselves and cannot fathom why anyone else would or could love them. I think these people have been terribly hurt in the past because they loved the wrong person, and they let that person hurt them because even at that time they didn’t love themselves enough to want better, to want the right love…
When I say “right love” I mean a love that is reciprocated, a love that is true and a love that doesn’t hurt… real true love will not hurt you, it will heal you and it will support you.
So many people for so many different reasons feel unworthy of someone’s love, they cannot believe that someone could love them or see the beauty inside and outside in them… these people often love the wrong people and get hurt again and again and are so damaged that when the right love comes along they are scared and in disbelief that it is real… they will probably let it pass them by because of their fears but I hope that someday they let someone in who offers them real love, they need it most of all.
I spent the majority of my life feeling unworthy of love, I never saw myself as attractive and felt as though no one could possibly love me, that there was nothing special enough about me to make anyone want to spend a lifetime with me…
It wasn’t until the last couple of years that I really started to wake up and realize that the most important love in life is self love, if you don’t love yourself then no one else can love you… if you don’t love yourself then life is not a happy place… you only have this one life so why do anything other than love it and yourself? It took me a long time to get here but almost overnight I changed and life has not been the same, it has been so much better. It has lead me to where I am today…
#4 is where I am at now…
I am at a really good place in life, the best actually. I have never been so well adjusted and balanced and happy emotionally, mentally and physically all at the same time… who knew it would take me to get to 40 to be here but here I am! I am making a career change to the path where my heart is and I am ready to love again, I am open to it and when it comes along I will let it in with open arms BUT only if it is the right love. I may be ready to love again but I am not ready to repeat the cycle again… I am prepared to wait as long as it takes for the right person to come along… I am in no rush and will continue to live happily single until I know.
When I knew I was ready I bought myself a locket pictured below and I put a wish inside, just one. I carry it next to my heart and someday when the right love comes along I will give it to him, my heart…my wishes and desires… all of me.
How will I know when the right one comes along? Well, it isn’t something you know until it happens I suppose but I know that taking my time and not rushing into anything is step #1 because in the past my mistake has always been to rush and I think if you want something to last forever it should not be rushed. #2 I will know because not only will he feel the same about me that I feel about him but he will let me know, he will tell me and he will show me. I am a big communicator and am very open about everything and the right person to love me will be the same way, he will always let me know so I do not have to guess. That is just something adults do in healthy happy stable relationships, they communicate.
I think the happier you are as a person and the more you love yourself the more you will demand the best for yourself and when you are there that is when you will not accept the wrong love into your life any longer.
That is why I am single, I love myself too much to accept anything less than the love I would give to another person…that love is huge, deep, loyal, understanding & eternal it is all encompassing ❤
So yes I am ready for love, but not just any love… the right love of a very special man… the love of my life who I hope is ready for me too when our paths finally cross…